THIS (TV) LAND IS MY LAND

Let me tell you a something about myself: I love TV. And not just a certain genre of TV. No, I love it all: sit-coms, dramas, news, sports, cartoons, science fiction ... you name it (well, I'm not a big fan of the reality junk). While there's a plethora of great stuff to be found on television these days, I can't get enough of the classics either. I mean, is it just me, or is The Andy Griffith Show one of the best things ever created by man?

In light of this revelation, it surely wouldn't be a surprise for me to admit that I very much look forward to the Emmy Awards each year. And if you don't think the Emmy's actually do recognize talent, I would like to take you to lunch and discuss William Shatner's three statues for Boston Legal. Beyond that, though, I don't really appreciate the glut of awards show that hog the airwaves today; I think it demeans the good ones. In fact, you know there are are way too many of these things when they pan the audience and only the winners are in attendance (I'm talking to you MTV Movie Awards).

The one exception I make to this rule, however, is The TV Land Awards. It certainly may have started out as just another lame awards show, but it has evolved into something special: a tribute for all the great TV that enveloped my childhood. This year's gala sat on my DVR for several months, and I finally got around to watching it last night. Man, what a wonderful event. Where else can you see the casts of Roots, Taxi, The Brady Bunch, Hee Haw, and Heroes all on one stage? And where else can you see awards handed out by Lindsey Wagner, Carol Burnett, Valerie Bertinelli & McKenzie Phillips, and recent Oscar winner Forest Whitaker? It was -- and always is -spectacular.

So, why am I writing about this strange topic in a mostly political blog? Two words: Ann Coulter. That's right, to my shock and horror, the queen of right wing nasty herself was in attendance. She didn't (thank god) present anything, but there she was in all her anorexic glory applauding right along side Jimmy "Dynomite!" Walker during the Roots tribute.

I ... I couldn't believe it. Of all the people on Earth, how dare she taint my childhood memories with her evil presence. The woman who called John Edwards a faggot and stated that the 9/11 widows were enjoying their husband's deaths stood there with a big, fat cheesy grin on her face and -- for a moment -- siphoned all the joy out of MY event.

What were you doing there, Ms. Coulter? Aren't "Hollywood Elite" the main problem with America today? How can you pretend to like something that generally preaches tolerance and good will? TV Land encompasses everything you hate and everything I hold dear.

Next year, please stay home and watch the event on TV!