HOLY COMPARISONS, BATMAN!

So, there I was; quietly enjoying a cup of Stone's Bitter Chocolate Oatmeal Stout, when my buddy, Patrick, decides he wants to throw down ... "Just saw THE DARK KNIGHT," he says, "and I think Batman is George Bush." WHAT!? I couldn't have heard that correctly. "In fact," he goes on, "that whole movie is just a Republican wet dream." I'm literally too stunned to speak. I don't think he really understands what he's saying. I mean, telling me that Bush is under that cape and cowl is like telling a little kid that Elmo is really the Bogeyman; I simply refuse to be bated into this discussion.

But Patrick is persistent. He goes on to -- I'll reluctantly admit -- make a strong case: Bruce Wayne is just a rich, white guy who will do whatever it takes to catch the evil-doer terrorist killer (that would be the Joker). And to get the job done, he will even break a few laws if necessary. For example, using cell phone technology to spy on every citizen of Gotham is perfectly acceptable behavior for Mr. Wayne, and utilizing a little bit of torture to extract information from your enemy is just a necessary means to an end. Sound familiar?

Okay, okay, stop; I can't take it anymore! My tiny mind just can't wrap itself around this argument. I've been a loyal fan of Batman since as long as I can remember. I know Batman, and you, Mr. Bush, are no Batman. Yes, it's true that Batman is what they call an "antihero;" unlike boy scouts like Superman, he constantly walks a fine line between right and wrong. And quite frankly, I'm happy that this movie tackles the kinds of issues relevant to our society. Good movies do that. I also think it's a good thing that Batman faces moral dilemmas and is pushed to do bad things. That's what makes him -- and all of us -- interesting people. But is he Bush? Let's discuss ...

Here's the thing: Bruce Wayne becomes Batman because his parents were killed by a thug. As a result of this traumatic experience from his childhood, he chooses to devote his life to fighting crime. Unlike certain presidents, however, he has a strict moral code that he always follows. First, he never uses a gun (no shooting your friends in the face for this guy). Second, he never kills under any circumstances. Can Captain Death Penalty say that?

You want to compare the Joker to Osama. Fine, let's do that ... When the Joker kills hundreds of people for no reason, Batman doesn't try to convince Gotham that the Penguin actually did it. But that is exactly what Bush did when he duped this country into believing that Iraq was responsible for 9/11. For those who STILL don't believe Mr. Bush actually wanted to do that, then maybe you should read Pulitzer prize winning journalist Ron Suskind's new book "The Way of the World." Here's a part of what Mr. Suskind wrote for The Huffington Post ...

The Iraq Intelligence Chief, Tahir Jalil Habbush -- a man still carrying a $1 million reward for capture, the Jack of Diamonds in Bush's famous deck of wanted men -- has been America's secret source on Iraq. Starting in January of 2003, with Blair and Bush watching, his secret reports began to flow to officials on both sides of the Atlantic, saying that there were no WMD and that Hussein was acting so odd because of fear that the Iranians would find out he was a toothless tiger. The U.S. deep-sixed the intelligence report in February, "resettled" Habbush to a safe house in Jordan during the invasion and then paid him $5 million in what could only be considered hush money.

In the fall of 2003, after the world learned there were no WMD -- as Habbush had foretold -- the White House ordered the CIA to carry out a deception. The mission: create a handwritten letter, dated July, 2001, from Habbush to Saddam saying that Atta trained in Iraq before the attacks and the Saddam was buying yellow cake for Niger with help from a "small team from the al Qaeda organization."

Hmm, very un-Batman-like behavior if you ask me. See, unlike Bush, Batman doesn't want to manipulate the public for his own questionable ends; he just wants to catch the actual bad guys. What, on the other hand, motivates W.: money, power, oil, greed? Hard to say. And as for the spying thing, we all know that Batman blows up the surveillance equipment at the end of the movie, because even he understands that it is "too much power for one person." Does anyone believe for a second that Bush would ever come to that same conclusion?

So, Batman and Bush are the same? No, Batman is the man in black who's devoted his life to the betterment of society. He fights for the downtrodden and struggles against corrupt government and corporate officials. He has no selfish motive other than to try and make the world a better place for all of us. Yes, Virginia, there is a Batman ... and his name is Obama.