TRAVIS QUITTING?
I heard a rumor from Travis Armstrong's dog walker's mother's cousin's friend that he is thinking of resigning from the Santa Barbara News-Press. Apparently, his soul is so tortured by his complete and utter failure as the News-Press Opinion Editor that he can't find the inner strength to continue on with the position. According to my super-secret contact (who remains with Dick Cheney in an undisclosed location), Travis has been pondering this move for some time: "Ever since the News-Press meltdown a couple years back," says my contact, "Travis has been increasingly troubled by his declining professionalism in dealing with the Santa Barbara community. After particularly nasty editorials regarding the city council, he's even been known to look in the mirror and say '@#$% you, Travis' over and over. The situation is pretty bad."
When I pressed my contact on the specifics of Mr. Armstrong's recent tumble into depression, he (or she?) thinks that his obsession with Marty Blum is really starting to wear on his conscience. During one particularly down state, Travis was overheard saying, "Man, I blame her for everything from gang violence to gas prices. Heck, I even follow her around now and take pictures for no particular reason. What's wrong with me!?" Travis is so upset about his treatment of Mrs. Blum in recent months that he's even considering printing her response to his next unsubstantiated false allegation ... maybe.
As if these revelations weren't big enough, a friend of a friend of a friend told me that Travis even called Brian Barnwell at home last week to chat about the decision to leave the NP. According to this even more top secret contact, Travis said to Barnwell that he doesn't understand where his fascination with the former city council member comes from. "Even though you're out of office, I can't stop writing about you. " said Armstrong, "I just don't find any of the new people very interesting, you know? I'm sure I will hate one of them eventually, but for now, I get more joy out of writing about how your recent vacation to Disneyland is destroying our community."
Anyway, I'm sure Mr. Armstrong has good reasons to want to leave the News-Press, and we wish him the best of luck. Maybe San Jose will take him back. I hear their mayor is an easy target.
[Editor's Note: Nothing in this blog post is remotely true.]
Labels: santa barbara news-press, travis armstrong
17 Comments:
Well I heard from my favorite barista who when talking with her massage therapist overheard a hairburner at the beauty parlor tell a friend on the phone that she overheard a publicist's answering machine with a message from Kevin Bacon's gardner's sister that it is not true and soon an email to everyone on the NP staff and Management will be sent out denying this irresponsible claim. Oh and someone will get fired.
Oh, thank you, Far Above Average Man, for the morning laugh. Ah, if only ...
>from Travis Armstrong's dog
>walker's mother's cousin's friend
Travis has a dog?? Poor animal!
This is a shocking revelation... Travis Armstrong is still AT the News Press?! I thought he'd surely fired himself by now. (But then, I stopped reading the NP years ago when it carried that ugly rumor that Wendy McCaw thought she was qualified to be a publisher. I would never read a rag that would support such outrageous gossip.)
Hilarious! I'm surprised someone didn't write this sooner. Nice job.
Awe, man, you get my hopes up, only to dash them at the end...
a rumor from Travis Armstrong's dog walker's mother's cousin's friend
Sorry, TL, but you gave your hand away right off with this claim. The real Travis never cites anyone specifically, let alone anyone as reputable as the above.
After all, that's true journalism.
Gee, even with Travis,
humour has its place !!!
If only this were true'
Travis is one of the few who actually dares to point out the problems of Santa Barbara -- the gangs, the homeless, overdevelopment and the lack of leadership and allowing community input by the Mayor.
But the article was pretty funny.
Travis is one of the few who actually dares to point out the problems of Santa Barbara -- the gangs, the homeless, overdevelopment and the lack of leadership and allowing community input by the Mayor.
But the article was pretty funny.
maybe he's going back to the reservation. but he's not necessarily Souix.
i have no respect for the media.
"Travis is one of the few who actually dares to point out the problems of Santa Barbara -- the gangs, the homeless, overdevelopment and the lack of leadership and allowing community input by the Mayor."
Just as Travis is a perpetual liar, so are his fans.
Will Travis Armstrong and other bashers talk about how wonderful Marty Blum, Cam Sanchez, et. al. are because there were no incidents during Fiesta? No, of course not; for these armchair jackasses there's only blame, never credit.
All your media R belong to us. Heil!
Travis will stay as long as IPhones are available only at AT&T
Well, then sign my up for an iPhone from CREDO, because Travis is GONE, baby, GONE! http://craigsmithsblog.blogspot.com/2009/10/hes-outta-here.html
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